I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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