He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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