Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Randomize
