I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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