I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
