does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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