from now on my penis is your penis
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
