My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
