Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
