He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
