I cannot find my penis.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
