We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
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we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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