The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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