Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
