my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
