Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
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...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
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I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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