Buhtt sex?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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