Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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