if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
