woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
