I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I want her autograph on my taint
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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