I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
