so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize