is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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