I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
