Have you finally orgasmed yet?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
