Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
