The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
