if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
