sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
