i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
