So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
