I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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