True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
