you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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