I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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