pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i drank out of a bidet.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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