she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
