I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
