you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
