She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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