My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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