i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
