last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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