i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
