The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
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the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
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my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
you're hired as official boob wrangler
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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