it was like his penis was on wheels.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
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does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
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What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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