if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
