At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
