Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
