my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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