Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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