No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
