Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
