I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Randomize