did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
