He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
