I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize