But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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