sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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