Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
